When is the right time for my child to do…anything?

girl walking away

photo credit: pixabay.com

When I was a kid, the nearest playground was a little more than a quarter-mile away. To get there, I had to walk three long blocks and cross a three-lanes-in-each-direction road that didn’t have cross-walks ANYWHERE NEARBY. Somehow, we were allowed to go there without much incident. In recent days, my decision to let dd and a fellow third-grade playmate go unsupervised to the playground nearest us (well within a quarter-mile radius and not even requiring a street crossing) was, shall we say, highly challenged by a parent of the child that went with her. Granted, every parent is entitled to their own limits and I get that, but I appreciate that future meet-ups will have supervision rules discussed up front so that everybody is on the same page.

The incident got me thinking about just how little we know when it comes to when the right time is for…anything our kids might want to do. All those hard-and-fast rules aren’t so hard or fast when every household is different, and it always, ALWAYS depends on the child(ren) in question.

We had run into this larger issue of readiness a few months back, when dd first started to pester us in earnest about earrings. Over dinner with friends, we discussed the conundrum at length: Is a third grader responsible enough to take care of her ears so they don’t get infected? What IS the right age for a child to get their ears pierced? (DH blanched from one couple’s story of their niece’s lackluster approach to earring care leading to multiple infections and at least one re-piercing.)

Of course, there are people who have their kids’ ears pierced at very early ages, in which case the issue is pretty moot; initial care is handled by a parent/caregiver, and the child grows up just knowing “I’ve pretty much always had my ears pierced.” I didn’t get my ears pierced until around age twelve, possibly because my parents waited until they thought I was responsible enough to take care of them on my own.

We had originally set the same requirement for dd, until she really kept coming at us OVER AND OVER AGAIN–begging, pleading, and generally bugging the crap out of us to get her ears pierced. Finally, one night as we cuddled at her bedtime, she ‘fessed up: “All the cool third-grade girls have their ears pierced,” she whined plaintively. Ohhhh. Okay.

I told dh about this, to which he (so New Englandly) responded, “Well, that’s a perfect reason NOT to get them pierced!”

I didn’t even blink before I shot back, “You don’t understand girls.

 

Amy Poehler in Mean Girls

photo credit: observer.com

 

And no, I’m not pretending to be Amy Poehler’s character from “Mean Girls”, the super-cool mom who’s totes okay with aaaannnnnyyyything. I’m just saying that I have not-so-vague memories of what it was like being a third grade girl who didn’t fit in because she wasn’t thin or pretty enough, and it sucked. A lot. And really, if dd has already announced her desire to get her ears pierced, does she need to wait three more years?

I brokered a sort of détente: dd would have an eight-week chart of responsibilities involving personal care in one manner or another (e.g. brushing teeth, brushing her hair, showering, etc.), and she had limited room for misses. If she didn’t meet all the requirements for a given day, and that happened more than twice in a week, a penalty week would be added. As it happened, we had to invoke that rule only once–and it ended up being rescinded just as quickly due to a well-timed critical show of responsibility. She pulled a massive save on a night when dh was out and I got sick; completely un-prodded, she took over clearing the dinner table and getting both herself and her brother ready for bed while I was recovering from my ailment.

 

DD's responsibility chart

A partial view of a much larger chart

 

And so it was that she got her ears pierced earlier this month, picking out earrings that were close to but slightly more colorful than the ones chosen by one of her BFFs from school. She complained mightily for a few hours about how much it hurt to have them done, and she’s not always keeping on top of cleaning them without being reminded, but otherwise she’s got it under control and she’s clearly doing well enough that I have high hopes for her making it through without infected lobes.

 

earring

 

The thing is, the age of twelve that we initially set as a target was somewhat arbitrary; it was picked because that’s when I foggily remembered getting my ears pierced, and who knows how long I similarly bugged the crap out of MY parents leading up to that day. No matter what day or what year dh and I picked, we could always be wrong.

You’re not supposed to introduce babies to solid foods before six months old, yet there are people who have done it for centuries (or millennia), and the children still lived. Guidelines for kids’ sleep requirements and bedtimes vary depending upon the source, with general ranges being as close to a rule as you’ll find. What we know about when it’s safe or okay for a child to do so many things is often subjective, and I’m glad that I listened to my gut instinct about the earrings and let her have the opportunity to prove herself.

Giving my children the freedom to fail is scary, but it’s time to do more of that with dd. I shouldn’t always do for her anymore what she must do for herself, and I just need to be available to support her or comfort her if she stumbles or falls. I don’t know which one of us is more ready for this shift, but it’s clear we’re already finding out…together.

Movie Review: “Eddie the Eagle”

Eddie the Eagle

Inspired by the story of that most amateur of Olympians, Michael “Eddie” Edwards, “Eddie the Eagle” is the kind of feel-good dramedy that comes along every few years to remind us that even the Everyman can have his day. Much in the spirit of underdog films like 1993’s “Rudy”, “Eddie the Eagle” tells the story of a never-will-be who has his moment in the spotlight.

The eponymous lead character is played by the distinctly more chiseled Taron Egerton (“Kingsman: The Secret Service”), who mimics the original’s goggle-glass squinting, resting underbite-driven grimace-face, and happy-go-lucky attitude without making Edwards a complete caricature. As it is, it seems almost too good to be true that Edwards managed to make the impossible happen–to be the first Olympic ski jumper from England in nearly 60 years. He came from seemingly nowhere, a mildly accomplished skier who didn’t qualify for the 1984 Olympics and spent his off-slope time following in his father’s footsteps as a plasterer.

From an early age, Edwards ignores the misgivings and discouragement from those around him; much like the 22-year-old self portrayed by Egerton, a 6-year-old Edwards simply collects his things and heads for the bus station to go to compete once he sets his mind to it. His tradesman father (Keith Allen of “Trainspotting”) believes all these dreams nothing but folly and continually urges Edwards to focus on his plastering and build a career. Edwards’ mother (Jo Hartley of “This is England”) is one of the few people who consistently supports him (and, oddly enough, it’s really only three women in “Eddie the Eagle” who encourage him; the males are anywhere from ambivalent to downright hostile and bullying).

When he’s rejected by the British Olympic Ski Team as unsuitable (whether due to demeanor, lack of experience, or general class issues), Edwards is ready to hang up his skis until he realizes that ski jumping could offer him another avenue. With no other Brit poised to represent in that event for the 1988 Games, Edwards decides to move to Germany to train with some of the best in the sport. It’s there that he meets his primary on-screen foil, a boozy jerk of a slopes manager who turns out to be Bronson Peary, a fallen-from-grace former Olympian (“X-Men” alumnus Hugh Jackman, sporting an American accent). Edwards pursues Peary with the persistence of a love-struck teenager, hoping experienced guidance will far outstrip self-training. Where Edwards has limited ability and unparalleled tenacity around reaching his goal of competing at the Olympics, Peary has talent without discipline–although he’s awfully attached to his “jacket” (a flask of liquor sporting a faded American flag). It becomes clear that Peary let down not only the coach-to-end-all-coaches, Warren Sharp (a muted Christopher Walken), he let himself down.

Edwards’ mix of fascination and panic when trying progressively longer jumps shows that he isn’t completely without his wits, but he is fairly oblivious to the obvious danger posed by his über-novice status. This is evident as he describes ski jumping as “still skiing…just a bit higher.” Peary (who apparently is not intended to be representative of either/both of the real Edwards’ coaches from his training in Lake Placid, NY) sees Edwards as a fool: sixteen years too late to start training and completely out of his depth. Edwards is often the butt of jokes by his fellow jumpers, particularly the Norwegian team helmed by Bjørn (Rune Temte, the menacing Ubba of “The Last Kingdom”). Once Edwards finally breaks down Peary’s resistance and gains him as a coach, his effort begins in earnest. Of course, there are setbacks–including a spectacularly brutal wipe-out. Ski jumping, as they so often point out to Edwards, is for the brave and crazy, and he’s warned that the 90m jump would be more likely to land him in a coffin than on the winners’ podium.

For those of us who watched Edwards in the Olympics nearly 30 years ago, this story is somewhat familiar, and Edwards tends to trigger either amusement or resentment. Some of this is visible in the movie, where crowds in Calgary warm to his enthusiasm following landing an important jump–but where “Eddie the Eagle” fails to deliver is in truly laying bare how much backlash he faced. According to the real Edwards’ own accounts, he received threatening letters from fellow athletes who felt he made a mockery of the sport by taking the Olympic stage without paying years of dues in blood, sweat, and training. While you do see Edwards face some hazing and pranking, it’s not at a level where he seems to be thrown off by any real measure. Egerton’s Edwards brushes most of it off–if he registers it at all–not really processing the massive amounts of shade thrown in his direction by nearly everybody in his life. As close as you see him feel the weight of dismissal comes in one tear-filled phone call with his parents and a separate conversation with Peary where he protests: “I was kicked off every team I was on before I got a chance to prove myself.”

When it comes to deciding whether “Eddie the Eagle” is okay for kids, I’d probably say that it’s fine for many. The majority of the violence is limited to the types of jump wipeouts that comprised the “Agony of Defeat” in the old ABC Sports intros, and the sexual innuendo is represented primary by a clumsily dodged come-on attempt aimed at Edwards and a “When Harry Met Sally” deli-style moment for Jackman’s Peary. You’ll never look at a jump again without thinking of Bo Derek.

Overall, the message of “Eddie the Eagle” is that sometimes grit and determination are enough to reach life goals, although Edwards never expected to win gold. He wanted the chance to compete, and his very presence and ability to make it onto the scoreboard without crashing out was a miracle of sorts. The movie has a vibe that’s distinctly afterschool special, but it sports some impressive scenery and able acting on all counts–especially by Egerton. “Eddie the Eagle” is certainly one to watch for some inspirational viewing. It’s not 100% faithful to the story leading up to the Olympics, in terms of locations and people, but actual Olympic footage makes it into the film and the scenes of Calgary are based on what happened for the real Edwards. The synth-heavy soundtrack is pure-80’s, and a training montage set to Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “Two Tribes” is derivative in the most delightful way (at least for those of us that are FGtH fans).

Three out of four stars.

“Eddie the Eagle” flies into theatres on Friday, February 26, 2016. It is rated PG-13 for some suggestive material, partial nudity, and smoking.

Boston-area Advance Screening Alert: “Eddie the Eagle”

Eddie the Eagle

 

If you’re in the Boston area this coming Wednesday and would like to get a chance to see the upcoming 20th Century Fox picture, “Eddie the Eagle”, there’s a free advance screening!

“Eddie the Eagle” is based on the true story of Michael “Eddie the Eagle” Edwards, a Briton who competed in the 1988 Olympics as a ski jumper, much to the chagrin of…well, everyone. The movie is rated PG-13 for some suggestive material, partial nudity, and smoking. My review will be up on Friday, in time for the release!

Advance Screening Details

Date: Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Start Time: 7:00pm
Location: AMC Loews Boston Common (175 Tremont Street, Boston, MA)


To get your free passes, go to http://www.gofobo.com/CrunchyEddie or go to http://www.gofobo.com/rsvp and enter the code CrunchyEddie.

 

IMPORTANT THINGS THAT YOU REALLY WANT TO PAY ATTENTION TO:

  • The RSVP links above will work for a limited number of “admit 2” passes, so get them while they’re hot!
  • Seating is first-come, first-served, so I recommend getting to the theatre EARLY to get on line. (An hour in advance is possibly a bit much, but arriving at 6:30pm may put you at the back of the line and limit your chances to get a seat.)
  • Seating is not guaranteed. Also, this theatre’s food service lines can be…a tad slow. PLAN ACCORDINGLY.