Category Archives: blather

Decades – looking back

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The other day, I was talking with another parent from our day care about how crazy life used to be before kids. It’s not that life isn’t crazy now, but the form of crazy is so completely different. Before kids, “crazy” meant “I’m really busy running around from thing to thing, traveling, drinking, and generally partying a lot when I’m not at work or asleep”. With kids, “crazy” is more like “I’m never going to have this house vacuumed as much as I want and why are there toys everywhere and where was I supposed to be 15 minutes ago? Oh crap…”

So, with that in mind, a brief look back. Sitting at a mere 39, on the cusp of turning 40 a mere 6 months from now (eek!), where was I when I was…

9: heading into 5th grade. My middle school had a pool, and we had swimming class as our gym class during winter months. One year, my fraternal grandparents (who went to Florida every winter back then) gave me a pair of neon-colored bikinis, one in hot pink and one in fluorescent yellow. I never had the body for a bikini, but back then I was only somewhat chubby, so I wore one to swim class the one day. NOT MY BRIGHTEST MOMENT. I jumped into the pool like the other kids, and the force of impact with the water made the top go up and the bottom go down. I recovered the pieces quickly enough and I don’t think anybody saw enough to make headlines, but that was the LAST TIME those suits came out of the dresser drawer.

19: heading into my junior year of college. I was so excited to be moving up to State College from Altoona. A campus of 40K+ vs a campus of about 1,500. Plus, it should’ve been less backwater. I seem to recall spending much of this summer working during the day and going out with friends in the evening. I’m pretty sure that was the summer I saw Squeeze in Baltimore after winning tickets off WHFS. I went backstage to meet the band and ended up swooning over and crushing pretty hard for the DJ, Pat Ferrise. Squeeze was made of awesome, as always.

29: just moved into the house with my boyfriend. We had season tickets to the Revolution and often traveled at least a couple of times a year to an away game, plus MLS Cup. We’d gone to LA right after we moved in so that we could be at Grauman’s Chinese Theater for opening day of “Episode II”. I was gearing up to get into a Masters program (Finance) and heard by the middle of the summer that I had gotten in. The weekend before Labor Day, my boyfriend and I go on a random jaunt around the Boston area, as we were wont to do in those days. We ended up going in search of the wind turbine out on the tippy tip end of Hull, a narrow strip of land jutting out into the water. It’s less a peninsula and more like a sandbar with housing on top of it. We found the turbine and start walking around on the rocks set around the turbine’s base. I was walking away from him when he mad some comment reminding me about how he’d once said he didn’t want to live with someone again unless they were family. I asked if he means that he wanted his best friend to move in with us. As I turn around, there he is, holding out a blue box with a diamond ring. FTW

39: training for walking marathon #2 and prepping for dd’s first week of camp. She finished day care yesterday, after 5 years, 4 months and 10 days. It’s crazy. And this summer, we’ve already been to DC so dd could walk her first 5K, we’re taking both kids to see The Wiggles in concert (the first concert for our ds!), and I’m heading down to NYC at the beginning of August to spend some QT with my girls at BlogHer12. I don’t get out to many shows these days (although I try to get out to at least a couple of movies every year), and we haven’t been to a soccer game in a donkey’s age. It’s hard to justify going when babysitters are expensive and kickoff is usually coinciding with the kids’ bedtime.

Much like when I was younger, the weekends are still packed. Whether they were packed with homework, clubbing, homework, or kid activities, they just fill up. The weeks have been filled with school, work, work, work…but it’s all good. Working is far preferable to not working. And I like where I am and what I do and who I do it with. All pluses.

I wonder what I’ll write when I’m 49?

Injecting medicine back into vaccination decisions

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Puttering around on the interwebs, I came across this nice little opinion piece on CNN regarding the influence celebrities have on health-related decisions and why that’s not necessarily in your best interests. I’ll admit, I read Jenny McCarthy’s books while I was pregnant. Her book about her pregnancy, “Belly Laughs”, was recommended to me by a friend, and I got into reading her humorous, highly-accessible writing. I was also impressed that someone who made a career out of playing a ditz or a bombshell actually had the ability to write well. As I got deeper into her oeuvre, I saw her pain as she went through the nightmare of seeing her son change before her eyes, eventually to be diagnosed with autism, and what she went through to try to bring him back to some semblance of “normalcy”. (My term, not hers, and the definition of “normal” is really very much up for grabs.)

As I read “Louder Than Words”, I could tell that she was describing what SHE went through and what SHE thought, and it never seriously crossed my mind that I shouldn’t vaccinate my then-newborn dd. I took it for what I saw as “what it was worth”: here’s a person with (I’m guessing) greater financial means at her disposal and (I’m also guessing) a more flexible work schedule than those of us who work 9ish-5ish jobs. So, even if something happened with my dd and I needed to deal with it in the manner that Jenny had outlined from her personal journey, it’s not like my journey would map 100% to hers.

My memory’s a little fuzzy, so I can’t recall the specifics of the conversations I had with dd’s pediatrician about the vaccine schedule. I know that I did ask at some point about the Measles-Mumps-Rubella (MMR) vax that Jenny McCarthy blamed for her son’s autism (on the basis of a scientific paper which has since been discredited). I also remember that the doctor told us that the vaccine was safe, and I trusted her.

Now, why would I trust the pediatrician in the face of the story Jenny McCarthy told? It’s simple: Jenny McCarthy’s story, in the world of statistics or market research, would be described as “an n of 1”. She’s one example. She could be an anomaly. If she were indicative of the norm, rather than the exception, one would think that parents would be coming out of the woodwork left, right and center saying that their child became autistic as a reaction to that 18mo MMR shot. But it just wasn’t happening. Plus, there’s also this really overwhelming thing on the pediatrician’s side: she’s actually been through medical school. She studied and stuff. She did a residency. She actually KNEW things from having learned on the job.

This isn’t to take anything away from Jenny McCarthy’s experience. I can’t imagine what a nightmare it was for her to find her son a boy transformed seemingly overnight from a happy boy to one who shrieked and had trouble eating and whose communication skills dwindled rapidly. I can’t imagine the strength it took to go through everything she did to try to restore her son to his former self. I do know that, as a parent, you keep going even when you’re at the point of exhaustion, so I can hazard a guess about how difficult that must have been for her.

I appreciate that she shared her story and I wish that more people would take it for what it is: an n of 1. I’ve seen too many news stories in the last few years about outbreaks of measles and other easily preventable diseases, clustered in areas where the parents were turning anti-vax. It just seems horrifying that the fear of non-fatal medical problems leads people to court the danger of potentially fatal diseases.

I realize that I’m no more a doctor than Jenny McCarthy, and I also realize that the decision to vax should be within the purview of a parent’s discretion. However, I like the idea behind the bill moving through the CA legislature right now that would require parents opting out of vaccinations for their children to have to consult with a doctor first. Now, before any anti-vax folks start to freak out, this bill DOES NOT say that you can’t choose to opt-out of vax. However, it does require documentation (a form) that shows a health care professional advised what the risks were of declining the vaccine.

I see this as a step forward and I hope that states beyond California adopt this type of legislation. We shouldn’t require people to act against their beliefs when it comes to vaccination – but for everybody’s sake, it seems like it makes sense to require that they don’t decline without getting a consult from a real healthcare professional. Until folks like Jenny McCarthy have earned their LPN, much less their MD or PhD, it seems safer to leave the practice of medicine to those who actually know it best.

I’m a XX and I vote

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I was originally thinking of titling this “I have a uterus, and I vote”, but I thought of friends who’ve had hysterectomies and decided against it. Even “I have breasts, and I vote” seems off kilter when you think of people you know who had mastectomies. And thus, I’ll just go with the XX chromosomal model and beg deference from my trans friends – if YOU know you’re a woman, I’m cool with that. Just go with it, please…

So, here’s where I want to point out that democratic math in the U.S. is completely effed up. I know I’ve probably mentioned that parental math has a law that states that 1 kid + 1 kid > 2 kids, so there’s precedent. But still, seeing 52 < 47 makes me want to throw up. Between the failure of the Paycheck Fairness Act and the various newly created laws that restrict access to abortion and/or that require women to undergo ultrasounds prior to abortions, I wonder if there’s some notion that women just don’t vote?

According to the Roper Center, approximately 53% of those voting in the 2008 election were women. (I cross-referenced this against the U.S. Census, which said that it was more like 52% – all close enough for me, given the incredibly large sample sizes). So, what’s up with all of the people who vote against women on issues of things like fair pay? Even if you set aside the incredibly emotionally charged issues around abortion/choice/life, can’t we all agree that men and women who do the same job should be paid on the same scale and measured by the same yardstick?

If not, why not?

My breasts don’t make me any less able to calculate sums, do complex formulas in Excel, or compose an elegant PowerPoint.

My uterus doesn’t inhibit my ability to speak publicly on a variety of topics, nor does it keep me from providing consultative support to my co-workers who come to me for my (amazingly unaffected by estrogen) subject-matter expertise.

I don’t need special women-only water to power me through my day, with GIRL-VITAMINS that keep my body moving even as I suffer from the rather common affliction known as “lack of a penis”.

I’m confused.

So, let me just say this to the Ritchie Riches who are running for office in 2012: I am a XX and I vote. I vote in MY best interests. That means I want to see fair wages for women, because I AM one, and because my daughter will grow up to become one, and no one should pay me or her lower amounts just because we suffer from penile-deficiency-syndrome. Lacking a penis isn’t a disability for me, thanks.

I vote for things that I believe in, like a woman’s right to choose what to do with her body, making sure that everybody in the country has access to affordable care (not just those who can afford care, which ISN’T the same thing), and making marriage rights available to all American citizens, not just those who pair up Adam-and-Eve style. Adam-and-Steve is cool, too, as is Madam-and-Eve. Love is love, y’all.

That’s not to say that I won’t vote based on other issues, like economy, defense, and who’s the lesser evil. It just means that I’m not going to vote for someone who’s proven that they either aren’t in my corner or they support those who aren’t in my corner.

So, I’d like to publicly shame Senators Kelly Ayotte (R-NH), Susan Collins (R-ME), Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX), Lisa Murkowski (R-AK), and Olympia Snowe (R-ME). Clearly, you don’t deserve to be paid as much as your male colleagues, in your minds. Thanks for looking out for your fellow gals. For the three of you who aren’t retiring this fall (Ayotte, Collins & Murkowski), I hope your XX constituents remember your voting record the next time they go to the ballot box and see your name.

And for the rest of the Republican slugs who voted sheer party line to defeat this legislature, I hope they all get tossed out. Don’t they have mothers? Wives? Daughters? Friends who are female that aren’t impressionable interns or mistresses?

It all makes me shake my head. In the 21st century, that we can still fight over whether or not one gender is entitled to the same pay for the same work as that of another gender…clearly history is being written by people with some very big balls. And, being seriously tired of bigots and bullies, I can only hope that the 2012 election is one massive kick in their nuts.